Well, it's been almost two years since I started a blog to address the epidemic of homophobic bullying that has ruined so many lives. After the spate of suicides committed by teenage boys, ranging in age from 13-19, I'm returning to my blog with renewed purpose.
The relentless torment that these kids suffered because they were perceived of as gay crushed their spirit and--ultimately--made hem feel as if they had no way out but suicide. I'm not saying there was really no way out, but it sure can feel that way to a kid who is tortured on a daily basis. And if you remember what it feels like to be a teen, it's damn hard to envision a future when things might actually get better. And to all the folks behind the It Gets Better Campaign, kudos to you.
But let's be honest, even though it does indeed get better, the emotional scars of living in fear, of wanting to be invisible (because that's how you learned to survive), and of having low self-esteem remain. I know, because I experienced all those feelings.
Sadly, a lot of these kids feel like they brought it upon themselves, that it's their fault. That's where crippling shame enters into the picture. And shame often prevents kids from asking for help.
The people who must make a difference are the adults. In recent years, I've worked in public schools--teaching creative writing to kids--and have witnessed bullying firsthand. Whenever I saw it, I intervened. Most adults, however, turned a blind eye, giving tacit approval to these ugly, cowardly actions. That has to stop.
In the name of Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Billy Lucas, Justin Aaberg, Raymond Chase, and Tyler Clementi, let's be the change that we say we believe in. Otherwise, more lives will be ruined.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Friday, November 14, 2008
A Hidden Epidemic
It's taken me from adolescence to middle age to start to come to terms with the suicidal teen I once was.
At 14 I saw no reason to keep living and tried to hang myself. I was then committed to a mental hospital for two years. During those years, I tried more and more ghastly methods until, when I failed twice using a foolproof method, I crossed a line--a threshold. I never attempted suicide again. That's not to say I didn't entertain the idea.
I was, however, introduced to Eastern philosophy shortly thereafter, which helped me create new options in my life.
Nonetheless, over the years, I've buried that excruciating time in my life. It was the only way for me to move forward and get on with my life. No, the pain didn't entirely go away, but it became less acute.
Now, with the luxury of time, I can look back without turning into a pillar of salt. Now,I'm a very different person. I'm a published poet, with five book credits and hundreds of journal publications to my name. I teach in a number of colleges and schools and am generally a well adjusted, happy person. In fact, most people can't reconcile the basically cheerful person I am with the miserable boy I was, a boy who considered himself utterly worthless.
Although I do not claim to be a professional, I've done some research on the topic of adolescent suicide. The statistics vary; nonetheless, they're shocking. Some reports indicate that every two hours, a teenager takes his or her life in the US.
Among gay teens, the number is five times as high. Girls try more frequently, but boys are more often successful. Sadly, boys are still taught to repress their emotions; as a result, they don't seek help and end up feeling trapped. Hence, the higher rate of suicides. No, times haven't really changed that much.
To be sure, growing up gay in a small town in South Jersey marked me as an outcast. I didn't know I was gay, but, boy, the kids sure did. And they wasted no opportunity to bully, abuse, degrade, and beat me.
While times are infinitely better now, they're not that different. I've worked in schools and have seen how kids who are perceived to be gay are still singled out for bullying. The most appalling thing is the apathy among the adults.
That doesn't have to be the case. I made it through an infernal period of my life, thanks to a few key adults who recognized my talents and my humanity. They reached out to me, for which I am forever grateful.
It is my hope that other adults like me, who once fell into a bottomless pit of self-loathing and depression can reach out to kids like us. Surely, we can do something to let them know they're not alone.
At 14 I saw no reason to keep living and tried to hang myself. I was then committed to a mental hospital for two years. During those years, I tried more and more ghastly methods until, when I failed twice using a foolproof method, I crossed a line--a threshold. I never attempted suicide again. That's not to say I didn't entertain the idea.
I was, however, introduced to Eastern philosophy shortly thereafter, which helped me create new options in my life.
Nonetheless, over the years, I've buried that excruciating time in my life. It was the only way for me to move forward and get on with my life. No, the pain didn't entirely go away, but it became less acute.
Now, with the luxury of time, I can look back without turning into a pillar of salt. Now,I'm a very different person. I'm a published poet, with five book credits and hundreds of journal publications to my name. I teach in a number of colleges and schools and am generally a well adjusted, happy person. In fact, most people can't reconcile the basically cheerful person I am with the miserable boy I was, a boy who considered himself utterly worthless.
Although I do not claim to be a professional, I've done some research on the topic of adolescent suicide. The statistics vary; nonetheless, they're shocking. Some reports indicate that every two hours, a teenager takes his or her life in the US.
Among gay teens, the number is five times as high. Girls try more frequently, but boys are more often successful. Sadly, boys are still taught to repress their emotions; as a result, they don't seek help and end up feeling trapped. Hence, the higher rate of suicides. No, times haven't really changed that much.
To be sure, growing up gay in a small town in South Jersey marked me as an outcast. I didn't know I was gay, but, boy, the kids sure did. And they wasted no opportunity to bully, abuse, degrade, and beat me.
While times are infinitely better now, they're not that different. I've worked in schools and have seen how kids who are perceived to be gay are still singled out for bullying. The most appalling thing is the apathy among the adults.
That doesn't have to be the case. I made it through an infernal period of my life, thanks to a few key adults who recognized my talents and my humanity. They reached out to me, for which I am forever grateful.
It is my hope that other adults like me, who once fell into a bottomless pit of self-loathing and depression can reach out to kids like us. Surely, we can do something to let them know they're not alone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)